Emotions Make Us Less Human

I’ve always been greatly annoyed at Star Trek for the way they treated Spock and Data. Neither are humans, and if I recall correctly, both are rather emotionless, either because they repress their emotions or because they don’t have them to begin with. The show goes as far as explaining that they’re not human because they lack emotions. And along the course of the series, both become more human by becoming more in touch (or developing) emotions. Of course, I think that’s utter bullshit.

Chimpanzees have the same range of emotions that humans have. So do cats, dogs, pigs, and a variety of superior mammals, including sea ones like whales and dolphins. Rats not only have emotions, they even laugh about them. So really, having emotions is not human at all. It’s animal.

Now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I for one don’t believe that we should ignore our animal needs. On the contrary, I think we should be in touch with our animal nature. But my point is, having emotions in no way makes us human. Ignoring them does.

I think that Data and Spock are by far the most modern, evolved humans on the Star Trek series. They are both driven by rationality, and while they can both develop attachment and perform acts of compassion, they are not enslaved by primitive, animal impulses. I believe that, ultimately, it makes them better than the rest of their crews. It makes them superior.

The sentimental attachment to animal emotions the Star Trek writers (and many SF writers) have displayed along the years is, in my opinion, childish. Reason is in every way superior to emotions. Even more so because it does not drive us to be heartless bastards. You can be reasonable and compassionate. You can be reasonable and ethical. There are perfectly rational reasons to being compassionate and to developing a strong ethic. For instance, you can reason that unnecessary suffering isn’t profitable to anyone and therefore must be minimized.

I suspect that this irrational attachment to emotions is simply a response to fear: the fear of growing up, the fear of taking charge—the fear of responsibilities. It’s a lot easier to be emotional. Being rational is a lot of hard work and requires discipline.

Now I’ve just rewatched the two Star Wars trilogies and I’m playing Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I must say love the Jedi way. It’s sensible and compassionate and ethical—it’s reasonable. Jedi behave in much the same way Data or Spock would, expect they are not despised for it. Yet, the movies do a good job of explaining where they all go wrong: they suppress the emotions, they bottle them up… and that doesn’t work well. It is, in essence, not very reasonable.

So what is one to do, then?

What I would like to achieve is balance. I cannot suppress my emotions. I have a lot of fear and anger in me— I’m an ape in a hostile environnement, why wouldn’t I be fearful and angry? Still, I would like not to be a slave to those primal responses. I’m worth better than that. I’m a human being, or at least I aspire to be. What I want is to be able to identify the emotions the second they manifest, and in a heartbeat decide what to do with them.

If anger flares up, I want to ask myself, Do I let it out? Will it be beneficial to the situation? Or, Do I wait and let it pass through me and only open my mouth again once I’m feeling calm again? I think that would avoid quite a lot of unpleasant and unwanted situations. How many times in my life have my decisions and my actions been dictated by anger? And anger is mostly a response to fear.

Yeah, I know. It would be swell, but it’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time and a lot of work. And I may not succeed at all. But I think being aware of this is a good first step in the right direction. It’s OK to be angry or joyful; what is not OK is letting any of that out in moments when it can be harmful to me or others. If I’m in physical danger, anger can be a great asset and help me punch my way out of a nasty situation. But it’s hardly ever a good answer to anything a friend or a lover would say. As a matter of fact, none of what anyone could possibly say should be reason enough to let my anger manifest outside. It’s got better uses.

So, that’s another big project: not behaving like an animal. Being more human than most humans currently are (including myself, by the way)—not by getting rid of emotions, but by feeling them only when the time is appropriate.

I think I can do it. It’s gonna be a long shot, though, because the universe’s ways of pissing me the fuck off are many.

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What I Learned Of A Week Away From The Internet

For about a week I took a break off the Internet. I had decided to have two weeks off to take a step back, reflect on my work, and plan the next stage, but I ended up spending the first week obsessively checking e-mails, staring at my Smashwords and Amazon KDP dashboards, analyzing stats on my blog, tweaking campaigns on Goodreads and Project Wonderful—in short, I did not write a word and yet was stressed out of my mind. So on Sunday evening of the first week I raised both fists to the starry night sky and swore, ‘Enough!’ I turned off the iMac and pledged not to turn it back on until a week had passed.

Now a week offline has gone by, and I’m back. Here are my thoughts on this experiment.

First, there was a bit of frustration. When I’m online, whenever I wonder about something—anything!—I bloody google it or check it on Wikipedia. Now as it turns out, you cannot do that offline. Books are of limited use, and they come in even more limited supply. I know there are things such as libraries, but seriously? I cannot pop by the library whenever I wonder about some specific details about the universe. So, yes, I was a bit frustrated.

Second, the frustration is not that bad. Because, let’s face it: not everything I want to know is something I need to know. Sometimes, letting go of desire is not a bad thing. There is a stress associated with desire, and lack of stress is kind of the point of a vacation—or rather, in my case, a staycation. For instance, the other day I wondered about Celts and their hair. How did the ancient Celts style them? I had no idea. But since I was not allowed anywhere near a browser, I had no way to know. In any case, I didn’t need to know. More importantly, I didn’t need to know right away. I could wait until that time when I was allowed back online to check it out (as it turns out, we don’t know much about Celtic ‘dos anyway).

Third, I noticed a decrease in the amount of stress and—more importantly—guilt I felt. Not working makes me nervous. It hasn’t always been so, but now it is. So, being sat in front of the iMac, where I do the writing, and not doing any writing-related stuff makes me nervous and makes me feel guilty. Being away from that darn computer was a relief. I was away from the office. (Having an actual office—a room where I only do work stuff—would help greatly, but that’s not possible unfortunately.)

Now that’s for the past week, but what about the future?

Well, I think there are three needs I have to balance: the need for concentration, the need for communication, and the need for knowledge.

I need to concentrate to work efficiently. Humans did not evolve to multitask. Sure, we can walk and talk at the same time. But that’s not multitasking. Writing a book, browsing the web, updating Twitter, checking my Facebook feed—that’s multitasking. And it does not work.

I could probably walk and write books (I’d need to build a workstation on a treadmill, but that’s doable)—I would likely write better books if I did (read this article). But googling Celtic hairdos and writing fiction don’t mix. So, I need to focus. No more checking e-mails or Facebook or anything of the sort while I’m supposed to write. From now on, I will only check e-mails at designated times: morning, noon, and evening (before calling it a day). That also means I’ve turned off all push notifications on my iPhone, and it’s no longer set to automatically check for e-mails. I’ll do that manually, thank you very much.

There will be an exception to this, and I’ve decided it will be Twitter. Now that may surprise you, but I believe Twitter is perfect for us ape-types. Look at primates: they damn well tweet all the time. Sure, that takes the form of physical contact, eye contact, and vocal contact, but they communicate all the time. It’s part of what we are, as social animals and primates: we need to have a constant line of communication open to our ape buddies. The important thing about that line of communication, though, is that it’s not a way to convey information. Most of the time, communication only serves one purpose: to ensure that the comm channel is open. In linguistics, they call it phatic communication, from a Greek verb that means to show oneself.

I remember reading an article (I think it was in the New York Times, but unfortunately I didn’t bookmark it and can’t seem to find it) about Twitter, where the author explained that tweeting was like tugging at your mommy’s skirt to show her that nifty picture you’ve just drawn. I think he was right, and I also think he totally failed to realize it’s the whole point of tweeting and it’s a good, necessary thing for us apes. We don’t swing from tree branches anymore, maintaining constant contact with our peers through calls and yelps—to make sure we are not cut from the group—, but that doesn’t mean the need for phatic expression is gone. On the contrary, we still crave it. We are, however, evolved creatures. We no longer need to paw through our buddies’ scalps to pick their lice. But we still crave the contact. Twitter, I think, provides this. It’s a diffuse, phatic contact with our tribe, and I believe it’s more than enough to satisfy our primal instinctual need for reassurance that, no, we are not lost in the forest, we are still in hearing range of our peers. So, Twitter will stay open on my desktop. I need the phatic link.

Finally, the need for information. While not all I want to know is something I need to know, knowledge is good. Still, I must learn to sort through what is necessary and what is not. What is necessary needs to be researched ASAP. What is not necessary can wait. I can make a note of my desire to know and research it at a more appropriate time. In short, no more ‘OMAGADZ!!! WHAT WERE CELTIC HAIRDOS LIKE?’ and dropping everything to check in the middle of a perfectly nice paragraph of fiction. Instead, I’ll write it down (possibly on a real-life piece of paper so I don’t switch to another application) and wait till I have a moment to check it out.

Well, well… I guess those are my New Year’s resolutions after all. I really think it’s going to help bring focus to my work and also make my off time much more enjoyable. Mixing the two was turning out to be a bit overwhelming, tainting both in an inappropriate way. From now on, I’ll try to keep work work-like and have my free time as work-free as I can manage. Balance is the shit.

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2012 Resolutions

I’ve been racking my brains these past two days in search of new new-year resolutions for 2012—different from those from 2011—, and I didn’t find much. I think I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing: writing books, blogging, working out, eating healthy, staying close to sober. I could add more to my plate, but really I don’t see the point. I’m content with what I have right now; I just hope it will last a little bit more.

2011 was hard, but I learned much and achieved some. Frankly, 2010 and 2011 were among the best years of my life, so far. And sure, there were dark hours, but I handled it, sort of—I’m still in the process of doing so. And I’ve still got a lot to figure out, still much to work on, and even more to achieve. Spacejet is out and about, and I’m overjoyed. But more will come in time.

I’m 34 now, which means I’ve reached my 35th year. A long time ago, a friend prophecized this was to be the year when I reach my heyday. Now, I don’t believe in prophecies—except self-fulfilling ones. Still, this two-year period (the one before my 35th birthday and the one after) is my deadline. This here is when I make it. Not because it was written in the stars, but because I want it bad enough.

So, Happy New Year to y’all! It’s been a fine journey together, and there are many more adventures yet to come.

Love,

—Terry

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Holiday Musings

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Christmas. First, I’m not a Christian, so the stories about baby Jesus and such mean nothing to me. Then comes the fact that I know my history, and I know Christmas is one of the many holidays Christians positioned to supplant other older Pagan holidays they had failed to suppress.

Back in the days it was called “Yuletide” or simply “Yule”. The point of that holiday was to celebrate something very real and very relevant: the time when days start getting longer again. Now that’s an event that means something to me.

My people celebrated Yule around the winter solstice.

While the summer solstice is the longest day of the year, the winter solstice on the contrary is the longest night. But just like the summer solstice marks the shortening of daytime, the winter solstice marks the shortening of the nights.

Sure, it is still very dark and cold outside, but Yule is a reminder that it will not always be so. Symbolically, that’s a strong festival to celebrate. We’re buried in the deepest darkness and the worse of winter is still to come, yet even so, victory is won at Yule. We cannot see it’s effect yet, but in time, the light will return. The day will win against the night—for a while, at least.

It’s also a reminder of where we stand in all this. Because, sure, the light will prevail, as it does every year, but that doesn’t say anything about us. Whether we will make it through winter is another matter, one that is not set in the movements of stars and planets. Truly, we’re not that important. It will be spring again, someday, and whether we are there to enjoy it or not will be of little consequence.

It’s a liberating thought, I believe. I’ll do my best to make it through, but if I fail, the sun will shine nonetheless. That thought takes a lot of pressure off my shoulders. It’s up to me, but the responsibility is only toward myself. It’s not that big a deal. The universe endures, with its slow steadfast rhythms. Battles are won in the deepest of the night; others are lost in the bright summer heat, unnoticed.

So, don’t mind me. I’ll just be here, doing my thing, while the stars are burning and the planets are turning. Happy Holidays to all y’all!

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Star Wars: The Old Republic

I took most of last week off as a reward for launching Spacejet and because I needed to spend time with this guy:

Can’t really blame me, can you? He’s pretty handsome, isn’t he? Plus, he’s a smuggler (think “Han Solo”). Plus, he’s got a starship and that cocky space-jock attitude that melts my heart.

I pre-ordered Star Wars: The Old Republic back in July, so I was granted early game access to this nifty MMO, starting December 13th.

Usually, MMO launches are messy, but so far, thanks to early access and the staggering of invites (not everyone was invited on Day 1, it was all based on the date of your pre-order), it was pretty smooth. There have been queues to enter servers (if you attempted that during peak hours), and there has been lag, but nothing like what you’d expect from such big a launch. Now, tomorrow is the actual launch day, so we’ll see how that goes.  So far, though, I’m very happy with the way they handled things.

Of course, I’m biased. I love Star Wars, and I was one of the first to hit my server. (I named my character “Jack”—that gives you an idea of how early I was.) To be honest, however, it wasn’t all just fun and good surprises. The game ran pretty smoothly during beta, but when I launched it on Day 1 of Early Access, I noticed most of the graphics settings options were gone. As a result, the game became terribly sluggish on my (very old) machine—mostly indoors (most of the time, it runs great as long as I’m outside buildings). So, yeah, I was pissed at that, but even so, I kept on playing, because to tell you the truth, the stories are fun.

I won’t spoil anything, but let me just say, the smuggler story arc is funny and everything you’d expect it to be. You’re Han Solo, basically; your dream has come true. You have a starship, blasters, adventure, and a wookiee pal. Girls throw themselves at your feet (no, no SGRA at launch). Seriously, what more could a guy want?

Now, it wasn’t always fun and games. There were some sad times too. Last week, Star Wars Galaxies lived its final moments. It makes me all nostalgic, because I played that game a long time ago, way before World of Warcraft, and I have fond memories of my character there. The game was awful in many ways, but it still managed to get to you. I think it was the freedom of the sandbox MMO. I miss that, a little.

Ah well, I won’t get all sad-puppy on you. I just wanted to say goodbye to my old pal:

Don’t be sad, buddy. Your legacy will live on. As a matter of fact, it’s the other way around: since story-wise SWTOR happens thousands of years before SWG, you’re the legacy, and I get to play your ancestor, the man who started it all. Farewell my friend!

*gets all misty-eyed anyway*

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“I can’t read your e-book, I don’t have an e-reader”

A lot of people assume they need a shiny Kindle to read e-books, but fortunately (for us indie writers), that is not true.

First of all, if you’re reading this, chances are you own a computer. That alone is enough to read my book. You can download it from Smashwords in a variety of format that can be read very straightforwardly on any computer: TXT, PDF, and RTF.

You can also find a number of free e-reading apps for your computer (PC or Mac), your smartphone (iPhone, Android, Blackberry, Windows 7), or your iPad, including the free Kindle reading apps. Then, all you have to do is get the Kindle edition of Spacejet and it will automatically download and sync to all your Kindle apps/devices.

Finally, if you think reading an e-book on a computer screen is not comfortable, well, just think of the amount of time you spend staring at said screen each day. Reading an e-book is no worse—with a nice, convenient reading app, it might even be more comfortable than browsing your favorite blogs.

And all that, without felling any tree!

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Downloading Leads To Sales, Swiss Government Says

I stumbled upon this article the other day, and apparently, the Swiss government shares my views on illegal downloads. They commissioned a study, and the results show that people who download illegally also buy legally. So yes, illegal downloads lead to more sales.

Instead of burying their heads in the sand and giving in to the entertainment industry’s irrational demands, the Swiss decided to keep downloads legal. As Cory Doctorow puts it:

It’s a rare victory for evidence-based policy in a world dominated by shrill assertions of lost jobs and revenue, backed by funny-number “statistics” from industry-commissioned researchers.

I have one thing to say to this: Amen.

Numbers don’t lie, and ignoring what they tell us is idiotic and short-sighted. No one, especially no one with stuff to sell, should ignore facts and make decisions based on assumptions and emotions. It’s unprofessional, and ultimately, it leads to loss. It does not even matter if the person who downloads illegally is the same person who buys legally. Individual behaviors is irrelevant. What matters is the result of group behavior: illegal downloads go up, sales go up.

Be proud pirates, because you’re the ones putting bread on the artists table. Thank you for that!

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“Spacejet” Available from Smashwords

I haven’t slept nearly enough; I was too damn nervous. Last night, I uploaded Spacejet to Smashwords.

Yes, you read it right. I said the release date would be December 13th, but in order to achieve that I had to upload the e-book yesterday, to give Smashwords time to review it, hopefully add it to their premium catalogue, and then ship it to their retail partners around the globe (Barnes & Noble, Sony, iBookstore, etc.). So, I needed a buffer before I could make things official and start advertising like a mofo. Hence the early release, just for you, faithful readers.

Don’t tell anyone, and by that I mean do tell all your friends, especially if the words science-fiction, action/adventure, and humor resonate with them. Then, tell them they can get their fix here. (The e-book is available in a ton of formats, and you’re not limited to just one. You can get them all.)

I said I didn’t sleep much, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is I woke up this morning and I was an indie writer, a real one, with a book out there, available. That in itself is fucking wonderful, but it’s not all.

This morning, I woke up to an e-mail from Smashwords announcing that someone had found my book on the virtual shelves, picked it up, and downloaded it. I have a reader. My first reader. (Well, my first non-beta reader, but let’s not dwell on technicalities here. I’m having my moment.)

In all honesty, though, my first reader is you. That’s why I decided to make this little announcement ahead of time: to say thank you for your continuous support throughout the years. It means the world, and I wanted you to be the first to know: Spacejet is out.

OK, enough gloating! I’ve got work to do. That book ain’t gonna promote itself.

tl;dr: “Spacejet” is available HERE.

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“Spacejet” Character Introduction (3)

Here comes the final Spacejet teaser! Check out, after the break, a quick presentation of Crater Mill’s finest (tiny spoilers ahead, so proceed at your own risk):

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How To Get Female/Minority Characters Right?

That’s the kind of bullshit question you find lying around the Internet, assorted with bullshit answers, most of the time.

Behind that question lies the notion that, if you’re a male writer, you’re supposed to find it hard to “get female characters right”, or if you’re white you should have trouble “getting the African-American characters right”. Strangely, fewer people worry that female writings won’t get male characters right, or that black writers won’t get white characters right. Why is that, you wonder? Well, because that notion is laced with sexism and racism.

So, let’s get that idiocy out of the way and make it clear: there’s no such thing as a woman or a black person. There’s an assload of both, and they’re all unique. They’re not bound to a mold.

Now, I hear you arguing that, as a guy with a bachelor’s degree in sociology, I should know better. Of course, I do. Humans are walking clichés. Each of us, we play the part we were assigned, with most of the attributes of that role. The housewife, the unemployed writer, the cop, whatever. And yes, each of these roles come with very recognizable characteristics. Woman, black, Asian, Jew, white, artist… all of these are pretty recognizable, and not just because of gender or ethnicity or the way they dress (yes, artists dress funny when they’re overcompensating).

My point is, as a writer, you don’t have to worry about all that. You’re not making a documentary, and unless the very theme of your novel is one or several of these archetypes, you shouldn’t worry about “getting them right”. Your female character mustn’t be consistent with a majority of real-world women. She must be consistent with herself, with your vision of her. Once more, it comes down to your voice—your commanding, authorly voice.

Same goes with minorities. I’m from a minority (I’m gay), so I have first hand experience with that. There’s no such thing as “getting a gay character right”. Maybe I won’t like your gay character. Maybe he will piss me off, and I will wish he was never written because of how he makes gay people look. But that’s just me, and that shouldn’t be any of your concern. If that’s how you see your gay character, and he’s consistent internally, then it’s fine, regardless of what I or other gays think.

Also, don’t worry whether your gay character is too clichéd or not. Gay people, in real life, can be living and breathing clichés. That’s the very reason why there are clichés: they’re real, they’re among us. That’s how people settle in their role: they don clichés like they don uniforms. It’s a normal process, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of depicting it. As I wrote the other day, originality is not the rabbit you should be chasing. Be true to your voice, and everything will be fine.

Write your character as you think they should be, not as you think other people expect them to be. Because if you try to please everybody, you will fail. Just try to please yourself and your Ideal Reader. Be sincere and be honest. Authenticity comes from you; it doesn’t come to you.

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